In my early 30's, I remember reading Circle of Stones, a book about women and rites of passage and ritual. It discusses even celebrating a young woman's first period... with flowers and a special lunch... and a tribute to a father taking out his young daughter who has just become a woman to celebrate her transition... eliminating anything "dirty" or "secretive" or something to be ashamed of. How I wish this was the case also for the transition of being old enough to engage in sex... and having it be portrayed as a rite of passage... a beautiful celebration of two becoming one, in a sacred way. If we saw more of that, rather than the bunk we see on TV or in the movies or in magazines , then the "mass" would follow... and think "I'm not doing that until it feels... sacred." I'm not advocating for holding on to virginity until your married... just that when one does decide to engage in sex, it would be more meaningful... and if there were more meaningful occurances of sacred sex, there would be less hearts broken, more self-esteem and trust over all... collectively. I promised myself I wasn't going to blame the media... but alas, I have... however, these days, I try to counteract all that is possibly negative and non-prudcutive to myslef and my environment by focusing on what I can do to create the "good feelings" and good results that I am seeking. Had I been taught at an earlier age about sex and self-respect, in an in-depth manner, I never would have let the man I looked forward to seeing once a week since I was 7, tackle me on my bed in my room, when my mother wasn't home, and put his hand up my shirt. I called him "Uncle" because I loved and trusted him so much, and looked forward to his bear hugs once a week for seven years because my own family was so devoid of any physical affection. And on that day, when my piano teacher was in the neighborhood, stopped by to say hello, I did not know or feel enough to say no. I didn't know what to do... I didn't even know enough to be angry until years later and years later, there's a part of me that still can't understand it. And... am I the only student on the block who he taught that he did this to? No. So to me, it makes sense to arm our young girls with an understanding of this rite of passage... that it can be one based on love and self-respect no matter when it is first initialized. Of course there is a level of discovery and excitement as there is with all new things in life... but I believe that can be combined with an education of emotional safety and self-love and respect. Hopefully, when it's not too late... and it's never too late to create sexual healing.
This is a photograph of the piano I learned to play on... when I was 7. Tomorrow, I am donating it to a church in the town where I grew up in Long Island and most likely will never see it again. It was my refuge... my sanctuary...where I learned many lessons.
Karen-Monroy wrote 588 Days Ago (neutral)0Robbie, yes, yes, yes......we are all richer--person and society by adding more meaning to life. Did you know that in the Amazon--the natives were baffled by the questions "what is sacred to you?" because they had no word for sacred--as everything was considered sacred. Thank you for the beautiful reminder :-)0 points Elle wrote 589 Days Ago (neutral)0Beautiful Robbie, and I do aspire to do that with my daughter.
And my son!
It takes a long time to get over abuse. I'm still learning and found writing has enlightened me.
Little realisations, a big step :)1 point
Robbie wrote 589 Days Ago (neutral)0Thank you sweet Ana... we heal...flow forward... together.1 point AnaLewis wrote 589 Days Ago (neutral)0Oh my goodness, Robbie... thank you so much for talking about this. Unfortunately, we don't learn, except from experience, that our bodies are sacred. Too often, it's when someone breaks that sanctity that we realize the violation and we learn to uphold our boundaries. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could teach our daughters that they don't have to learn the hard way (the way most of us learned), but could learn in a more loving, Red Tent sort of way?
Kiss your piano for me. Even though your piano teacher was an ass, you certainly rose above him with your talent. Brava!