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Elle
Novelist
03.08.2013 (1422 days ago)
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Private life, public life, striking the balance?

Private life, public life, striking the balance?

Simply your life week. Well, this is what I've been doing for a while. I think. OK, OK, I'm still working on it. It's not easy, but I'm trying.

Trouble is there's always too much to do, and it's hard to let go. Now, I'm a kind of all or nothing girl. Not always, but such times or occasions have arisen in my life where I've reached the no return moment. The kind of mega awareness where it couldn't have been clearer it was time to let go or time to leave.

Those momentous life changing occasions left me with no fear or doubt, those were the times I listened to my heart, soul and gut. Like the day I just walked away from all the childhood abuse and left the past where it belonged, or like the day my husband proposed ( 2 months after we first met, I kid you not), or when the decision was made to try for a baby. Other times, when I silenced either heart, soul or gut proved less than happy.

I've never been good at simplifying, everything seems to have to be complicated. Walking away from a life others would see as privileged and finding yourself with nothing, not even a birth certificate, having to change your name so you won't have to call the police yet again and pray for them to arrive in time, wasn't easy. It still has the potential to complicate my life in a world which is forever demanding to prove who you are and where you came from. Still, freedom and happiness have no price tag.

I make it a habit like so many others of being too hard with myself, to keep pushing. Then comes the wake-up call. Oh, I've had a few of those, mainly health concerns. And then a few months back, I thought to myself, hang on this isn't what I had planned on doing, I'm following someone else's agenda. You see I've been quite happy being an author, albeit a hermit one, one who does her thing once or twice a year then retreats in her writing grotto. I've had to keep my identity well protected as I still feared being found. 

I lead a busy life, as my near and dear know. Lots of travelling, looking after and educating my children, and my causes as they are referred to. So when I was asked to publish books with a friend a while ago, I said, sure, another challenge. After all I'm writing more than ever, I have plenty of material in the drawers. Only this meant a new pen name, the one I'm using on this site, so as to keep my main publisher happy. Did I think this through? Well, that's my impulsive side I guess.

 One thing led to another, and I just grew unhappy, too much on my plate and more demands, most of which I did not want to meet. I should have realised I was happy with the way things were before.

Still I have no regrets, just one more adventure, nothing lost and I found out a little bit more about myself and met lovely people. Let's not mention the trolls. There may yet be further books under this pen name, but only if the conditions are right.

So, not the most simple of posts I'm afraid. Not sure I'm the one you should turn to when it comes to simplify your life. Luckily my private life is much more straight forward these days and is my priority. I can be hectic and bohemian at times, simple and complicated, but very relaxed with my children. And that's what matters most to me, striking somewhat of a balance, watching my children grow into beautiful and creative people, full of compassion and learning to make what matters count. 

It's my life and I fully intend to make the most of it, not to be led by others. So, I'm very sorry I've been quiet. I've been having a few fights with my health, taking things "easy" ( do not laugh, You!) and enjoying the summer. I hope you do too.

One more note to my dear friends, you know who you are, I do miss you and I will be in touch. Love and hugs.

Elle · 1422 days ago
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Private life, public life, striking the balance?