How good of a receiver are you?
One of life's gifts is the pleasure senses of the body. But what do you do with these gifts?
Have you ever made the connection between being a good receiver and experiencing the Divine Union taught in the Kama Sutra?
Most westerners know scant little about the Kama Sutra, and what little they do know focuses on coitus positions—even though only about 20 percent of the book is devoted to sexual positions.
This is a distinctively western trait: Know very little about very little.
Case in point: Most men want to receive oral sex. Most women want the same thing. Yet, 75 percent of women report they do not receive oral sex proportionate to what they give.
How good of a receiver are you?
Vatsyayana, a monk and the editor of the Sutras, noticed references to meaningful relationships between men and women in all the sacred texts he studied shared common threads. He bound these threads in a book—the Kama Sutra. Kama Sutra means Divine Union.
As with all spiritual teachings, the Kama Sutra instructs that it’s all about who you are—not what you're doing. If you want to pleasure your beloved, you need to be trusted—you must embody what you are seeking.
Men seem to trust women enough to receive oral sex from them, but women don’t seem to trust men enough to ask for it.
Both the Sutras and the Tantras stress communication as well as valuing and cherishing your beloved. Within this context, everything between beloveds is "foreplay." From the cleansing rituals, to the shelter and peace sought in the beloved’s embrace, it all matters—it all expresses your being.
Think about what men and women are taught in western culture about orgasm:
You have to have one.
Ladies come first.
Or, you both come at the same time.
To achieve these goals, men and women become slaves to the mechanics. Men are compelled to find the g-spot, then press, rub, and repeat. (And, of course, they hope it’s located in the same place as their last partner's g-spot!)
Women hope their partners find the g-spot, then press, rub, and repeat. (And they hope their partners understand that it’s different strokes for different folks!)
When you are chasing mechanics, you are a marketer’s dream bait.
“Ten ways to give a blow job.”
“How to have your own orgasm.”
Let me ask you this: Isn’t something usually easier the more you do it?
But have you noticed sex doesn’t work like that? In fact, long-term relationships report a 50 percent "ho-hum-yawn" factor in coitus.
The Sutras teach that sex itself is not wrong, but doing it frivolously is sinful—sinful as in a waste of energy, like casting dollar bills into a fire.
Maybe what’s missing—what the misplaced seeking of mechanics tries to accomplish—is the intention. Either you are out to satisfy yourself, or you are seeking Divine Union.
We live in a world of duality, and you can’t do both.
One leaves us empty, the other completely fulfilled.
Divine Union does not seek the goal of orgasm. Orgasm is a natural organic outcome of Divine Union. No effort is involved. It’s about allowing, about surrender and trust—with self and with the beloved.
Chasing the orgasm in the manner western culture teaches is like chasing the butterfly. The more we chase, the farther away it flies.
The Kama Sutra's many coital positions are not a means to an end; they are a mutual expression of your intention—to give pleasure and connect in Divine Union.
Orgasm is about learning to give and learning to receive. Giving and receiving are part of the same energy loop. Connection and communication are essential to giving and receiving.
One of my favorite Tantra practices is Daily Devotion.
In the traditional teaching, before rising out of bed the beloveds lay connected at the start of each day. The penis is in the vagina, and there is no movement. Light kisses are exchanged, and you are not to be passionate. This connection is maintained for fifteen minutes.
During this time, the beloveds dedicate the day ahead to the love they share. The couple commits to bring the love they feel at that moment into their day with them—to be in Divine Union with one another.
Tantra couples frequently adopt this practice simply to share the fifteen minutes of connection. Spooning each other and light kisses may lead to hands lovingly caressing the body. But regardless of how daily devotion is adapted, what doesn’t change is the intention: to cherish, to love, and to connect from that love and carry it forward into the day.
There’s only one way to find out if Daily Devotion will create a meaningful transformation in your relationship: Try it. Focus on being a good receiver and focus on the giving and receiving being two parts of the same energetic loop.
Let me know how it goes.
Oh, my next post? Male performance—or lack thereof.
great article, I wish the media would spend less time on trying to teach you the moves and spots and more on the feeling, connecting and allowing the feeling of an orgasm. It took me many years to allow myself the pleasure of an orgasm, and boy was I missing out....
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