So many of us have encountered abuse. So many of us have buried their wounds deep inside.
Children are afraid, they daren't talk or they rebel, they run away, try and kill themselves.
We all run away somehow. I mostly retreated in my imagination, believing in a future where this would stop.
I hear people say all the time, 'I have no choice.' (referring to normal everyday life)
Truth is we always have a choice. Even when we're children and cannot run away physically.
The choice is in how we let it affect us or we deal with it. Much later as we mature, and most of abused children mature way before others, we become responsible for the choices we make. We don't always get help overcoming what's happened to us, but we still have to deal with the aftermath, find a way to somehow break free.
I don't think it was deliberate in my part. I just evolved. You look around and you realise not everybody lives like that, not every parent...
I was 9 when I first thought of killing myself, by 10 I had elaborated many ways of doing this. I did not want to fail. I knew my mother's wrath would be too much to contemplate. I wasn't scared of dying, so final, so easy, an immediate end to all the pain.
I chose life. Somehow I manged to persuade myself to carry on a little longer, and then more. One step at a time.
I broke free, and then one day I opened up. Once you do that, you hear from other people. Talking about it helps, writing about it helps. Don't be quiet, find a way to express yourself.
Elle, you are an inspiration to us all. Many children have contemplated suicide, many do so. It takes a strong individual to move past, cling to hope and overcome these hurdles. Bravo, thank you and hugs.
|2010 days ago|
I'm also cheering for you and it's well-deserved, Elle. Your words from my heart. We connect on so much! Inadvertently, I chose life too --clinging with my fingernails to tiny chunks of time, which became years. Bravo to you.
|2089 days ago|
Elle, you're so strong. You're absolutely amazing. Keep writing and reaching others with your incredible journey of pressing forward. *loud cheering for Elle!!!!**
|2134 days ago|
Absolutely, Elle! It's a process. Maybe even a lifelong one, but worthy of a good, solid try. I am so very glad that we can be here for each other during part of this process. It's so healing when you read words you could have written yourself, by women you admire. Thank you!
|2136 days ago|