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Elle
Novelist
02.02.2012 (997 days ago)
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Beyond your control

So many things are beyond our control, beyond my control. So what do you do?

Do you lament and feel sorry for yourself? Or do you pick yourself up and try and make the best of it?

Well, it's OK to feel sorry sorry for yourself. Like many I do beat myself, and what good does that do?

 

So what then?

Here you are, the tricky balance again. Reflect, do indulge yourself a bit and then move on.

 

But it's not easy to move on. I know.

Many times I've wanted to roll myself into a little ball and drift into oblivion.

 

Grief overwhelmed me. But still I had to fight to survive. How do you do that when you have no energy or will to live?

I came home from hospital, clots in my legs, in my lungs. Multiple embolism. I'm one of the lucky ones. I must remember that and I do.

I had no control over what happened to me but i had control over what I did next. So every morning I dragged myself into our pool. A struggle when you're that weak and ill but i knew it would make me better. I knew I had to something.

Weeks later, after all the injections and tablets, the clots had gone. I was not cured of the rest that heals me, but it was progress. The radiographer was very surprised; it was as if clots had never been there in the first place.

And still today as all through my life many things are way beyond my control. And still I try to free myself by trying to react in a positive way.

Not easy, I keep trying.


Elle · 997 days ago
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  •  Marta: 
     
    Elle, you inspire as Heidi said and give us courage to fight on. To find strength to overcome our own trials. I know I bless each day the gift of yourself you share and the friendship and love that you honor me and all you know with. Hugs, much love and always always thoughts will go out to you. xxx Thank you
     
     988 days ago 
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  •  bookmark_terry: 
     
    Elle, I'm sorry you've had to struggle so much. But I'm really happy you're still hanging in and found the strength to get to that pool. I think when we work hard, it's good to hug ourselves to honour it. Take good care of yourself.
     
     996 days ago 
    0 points
     
  •  Heidi: 
     
    It both inspires me and breaks my heart to know what you've been through and still have the strength, somewhere very deep inside, to keep trying. Hugs, love & inspiration, always.
     
     996 days ago 
    0 points
     
Women on the Verge
Beyond your control