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AnaLewis
Founder of Women on the Verge, CEO of Co-Op Web, Inc.
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A Failure to Humanity?

Healing Between the Genders


Recently I saw an old episode of “What Would You Do”, titled “Man Drops Powder in Date's Drink”. and was more than a little disturbed. The episode showed actors being portrayed as a young attractive couple who met on the Internet and were on their first date.

 

The setting was a bar scene where the man would drug the woman's drink while she went to the restroom – what would the other people sitting at the bar do? Would they respond or ignore the fact that this man was obviously doing harm to this woman?

 

Time after time, the man would lace the woman's drink, clearly in front of other people, and most of the people would look the other way – even when it was obvious they witnessed what was occurring. Finally, one man stood up, and confronted the guy. The gentleman that confronted the actor was about 10-20 years his senior and he scolded him for “doing that to this young lady”. He never told the woman when she returned from the bathroom, but he did buy her a new/unlaced drink. All the while, his wife was telling him to “shut up!”

 

Very few people stood up, but at least some did. BUT, that is when she was dressed as a “sweet, innocent woman”. Then, her outfit was revised. Same woman. Now dressed showing a little more skin. Everything changed.

 

The same actor, same bar, first date, now with a woman dressed more provocatively. The woman would get up to go to the restroom, and her date would lace her drink. He now had what he called, “wingmen”. There were men actually cheering him on as he drugged her wine! No one was helping this woman out. No one stood up for her, until one woman, who wasn't even in the camera range, witnessed the man slipping something into the drink. She stood up, got in his face, confronted him, took the girl back into the bathroom, told her what had occurred and then asked her if she needed a ride home (away from this guy.)

 

By this time, the actress was emotional. She said she was pretty upset that people were not helping her character out, and when the woman rose to the occasion in spades, she broke down.

 

Then, I decided to watch the opposite show, also by “What Would You Do”, titled, “Woman Drops Powder in Date's Drink”. Where actors go on a date, and the woman drugs her date's drink when he goes to the restroom, in order to steal his money.

 

In several instances, men witnessed the man get drugged and said nothing. They even joked about about the situation, saying they couldn't wait to read the news tomorrow to see what happened to him or some just kept doing what they were doing – like reading(!). One man even admitted that he “failed humanity” by not speaking up. The only person who stood up for this man, was a woman in the bar. She told the woman, after seeing her spike the man's drink, that she was going to tell the man what happened. She was the only one.

 

Is doing nothing acceptable to you? This is obviously not a man vs woman thing. This is bigger. This is a human race thing. We need to be here for each other and not be afraid to do the right thing. We need to heal ourselves by reaching out to each other.

 

Check out the WWYD quiz: http://abcnews.go.com/WhatWouldYouDo/page?id=10614513

 

Ana Lewis
Founder
WomenontheVerge.net

AnaLewis · 2128 days ago
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  •  Elin: 
     
    Great post Ana thank you for sharing. I agree with all the comments here--bystanderism is unacceptable and there are myriad ways in which a person can help. It is a sad testimony to the desensitization that seems to be taking place in our culture today, we are inundated with sexualized images which objectify women and men which render people incapable of seeing the human being inside. Important post glad I saw it on Twitter.
     
     2119 days ago 
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  •  JennyleefromTN: 
     
    Wow, this makes you sit back in your seat and think about perspective. I always try to think to myself (before I pass my drive-by judgement) "Everybody is a somebody." This article will help me to remember that! Thanks for the share Ana!
     
     2121 days ago·1 replies1 replies 
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  •  Marta: 
     
    It is sad to hear this sort of thing and to realize it is so common. We are failing each other as a species each and everyday that we "look the other way." I know me and I know I would stand up for the woman or man no matter the circumstances or dress, because I have in the past.

    Yet for so many it seems that there is judgement be it of ego, of not listening, not caring enough to listen or to make the sacrifice of doing the right thing even if it should lead to our looking a bit stupid for a single moment.

    You give us much to think about thank you.
     
     2124 days ago·1 replies1 replies 
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  •  Karen-Monroy: 
     
    It's very upsetting indeed! The problem in the world isn't that a Hitler comes along every now and then--the problem is those who listen. We have the same disease in our political system now--and what you wrote about is another form of the same ego disease in relationships.....
    We loose touch with our authentic self, we care far more about being 'polite' because of the potential humiliation we might suffer in speaking up. Fear of being humiliated is a very, very bad ego disease.

    Thanks for posting Ana! XO
     
     2127 days ago·1 replies1 replies 
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  •  Elle: 
     
    God, I hate waking up to read this sort of thing. Couldn't stop myself from reacting.
    A failure to humanity? God, yes!
     
     2127 days ago·1 replies1 replies 
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A Failure to Humanity?